- You compute me.
It is with unquantifiable sadness that I have to announce a decision has been made – on health grounds – to retire Dolores (my ibook).
As you can imagine, it is a trying time here at Omar Towers. Dolores, or Dolly as all who loved her affectionately called her, was my first laptop. She has been an integral part of the team for over half a decade. She has, during her loyal stint as my assistant, been unswerving in her numerical, database, editing, research and word processing skills. Whether writing a sestina or limerick, short story or letter, blog post or song - it was always Dolly who came through for me. And, eighteen months ago, when I decided to backpack to Africa (alone) - it was Dolly who got-ta-stepping with me (on trains, boats and automobiles) and proved herself to be, not only a wonderful travelling companion, but also an adept translator, currency converter and purveyor of high definition, good quality porn.
Dolores started to show symptoms of her illness way back in 2008. We were living in New York at the time, so I rushed her straight to A&E (Apple & Emergency) at Tekserve on West 23rd St. Three hours, three long hours I waited in the Tekserve A&E (and they say the NHS is bad) cradling Dolly in my arms. When a consultant finally saw her, he recommended she be admitted immediately – for further tests. She was taken in on Labor Day weekend. To this day, I still can’t look at a pair of white stilettos without being reminded of the trauma team on West 23rd Street. Oh, and let's not forget Tekserve’s ticket-based queuing system; an all too poignant reminder of when your number’s up…
She slightly recovered following the essential surgery she had, which involved donor parts and an implant to help with her memory. But, the prognosis was not good, the sad truth was, her life expectancy (at the pace she was working) was limited at best.
I begged her to slow down. I did, but would she listen? – NO!
We’ve soldiered on for the past 16 months. I’ve taken on the mantle of full-time laptop carer. We’ve learned to live with the lethargy, the blackouts, the disorientation and the memory loss. But, last week, Dolly suffered a particularly nasty series of convulsions that culminated in partial blindness and ultimately, in me having to give her CPR (Computer Program Resuscitation). It was following that incident that we both decided enough was enough and Dolores made the sad, but inevitable decision to retire.
She will not be rehomed, thrown on the scrapheap or lobotomized. Dolly will remain charged (for as long as I can detect a pulse) and be placed within the bosom of Omar Towers. She will spend her retirement carrying out her new, less demanding role of, Honorary Lifetime Director of Archives. Her new duties will include, the training of her replacement, Millie McPro (named after the Millennium Falcon cos the bitch is fast) and logistical duties. The remainder of Dolly’s time will be spent chillaxing, reading the Bible (she’s an avid Christian), remembering all the adventures we had and enjoying the rest of her life by my side, where she belongs.Thank you Dolly, my sweet, sweet ibook – you really did put the ‘i’ in team. This one’s for you…
*plays itunes: My Sweet Lord – Edwin Starr version* (Dolly’s favourite song).
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