The Monster’s Moll

- Nothing to fear but fear itself.

The Home Secretary (Alan Johnson) announced over the weekend that the UK terror threat level has gone from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe.’

And I’m sat here wondering if I should stockpile bread or something. Cos quite frankly, I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to do with that type of information. The government’s terror warning system is about as much use to me as chocolate vibrator. If anything, I wish they had put it to good effect and issued it before I entered the cinema to see the movie, Monster’s Ball (God, that film was shit).

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but here’s the thing. Isn’t the current warning system akin to a mother waking a child in the middle of the night, from a nice peaceful sleep, just to let it know, “The boogeyman might be in the neighbourhood tonight, and then again, he might not. Sweet dreams dear and don’t forget to be extra vigilant”?

It just seems such an impotent system. In fact, I actually find it a bit insulting. It’s almost as if, by issuing these “terror” warnings, if a terrorist were to actually strike then the government would be in a perfect position to say, “See – told you so.” Better by far, if you ask me, that the government were slightly more specific about the threat i.e. a particular region or a targeted mode of transport. Otherwise, just shut-up and let me eat my Big Mac in peace.

See, the way I do’s it is like this: I just lump terrorists in with serial killers, rapists, paedophiles and animal abusers. – They’re always gonna be around, I’m always gonna be vigilant for ‘em, but there’s always a chance that one day one might get me. However, in the interim period, they’re not gonna prevent me from getting on the No. 29 bus when I gots to get on the No. 29 bus!

I had this boyfriend once, lovely guy, salt of the earth. But, he was a yellow-belly (he’d scare easily). He’d never stand up for himself. And I was always telling him, "John, death ain’t the worst thing that can happen to you, you know."

- Cheyelle Omar

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