Peter & Gordon

– The boys from the brown stuff

You know what I really like about having no family, no employer, no boyfriend and being the descendant of an illiterate Essex boy and a North African factory worker? Not to mention, being a bona fide latchkey kid who was bounced from hostel, to charity home, to council estate for a huge portion of her life.

It’s the fact that I can write whatever I like in this blog and not be afraid of "the system" – I beat it once, I can do it again.

Anyway, the other day I was sitting in my 2 bed, 3 bath, city centre penthouse with allocated parking, wraparound terrace and river views, watching a BBC news story on my 42” plasma. The story was about Observer journalist, Andrew Rawnsley's latest book, The End of the Party. The hardback (a political/politics-inspired book) contains revelations that Gordon Brown (UK Prime Minister) is a bully (link).

Whilst Gordon Brown has vehemently denied the claims, the accusations were given more credence when Christine Pratt, the founder of the National Bullying Helpline, confirmed that the helpline had indeed received “three or four” calls by “stressed” No 10 staff. She went on to say: “I have personally taken a call from staff in the Prime Minister's office, staff who believe they are working in a bullying culture and that it has caused stress.” One former adviser to the PM even described them [the PM’s alleged temper tantrums] as, “Intense bouts of anger.”

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Gordon Brown (or Prime Sinister, as I like to call him) made this statement: I get angry sometimes, doesn't everybody. I get impatient, I'm driven to do things.

The PM’s sidekick and bezzie-mate* Lord Mandelson (or Count Fuckula, as I like to call him) made this statement: Gordon Brown doesn't bully his staff, he is just demanding.

The Prime Minister's official spokesman said: These malicious allegations are totally without foundation and have never been put to No 10.

And Mr. Rawnsley (the author of the book that made the claims) said: I haven't won awards for journalism for making things up. I have not third hand, second hand, but first hand sources. He also wrote in a recent column: The sources are 24 carat.

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So now it’s my turn to make a statement: *takes a deep intake of breath and then exhales* Yeah, I reckon he’s one of them old skool bullies. I ain’t got no evidence mind – I’ve just been around the block a couple of times…it’s a gut thing – that and the fact he looks like he’s got bad breath.

I had this boss once, a chap called Aaroon (he was a clothing wholesaler). I was his PA – he was prone to mood swings and could be quite forceful. When he was vexed he’d say, “Fuck you!” At which point I’d turn around to him and say, “Yeah, and fuck you right back!” I stayed with him right up until he moved on – he was one of the best bosses I ever had.  However, if Aaroon had ever denied me the right to “vent” back at him, I would have considered him a bully too.

So, if Gordon Brown is indeed a tyrant, I suggest the staff at No 10 do the "Fuck You Right Back Test" on him. – I would if I worked there.

- Cheyelle Omar

Mission Statement

This post is slightly skewed. I wrote to Gordon Brown about a year ago – I asked him to consider putting me forward for a prestigious writing job at the Palace. It was a long shot, but I had the necessary experience and Liverpool Football Club’s Chief Executive (my former boss) as a referee. Gordon gave me the brush-off, via one-sentence in a perfunctory letter signed by one of his minions (which no doubt I’ll publish in a later post). I thought it was best to tell you that – no one likes being duped.


* Liverpool dialect for, 'best friend'

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