–Rue and the girls
I was renting a loft on Greene St. (SoHo, NYC) for a couple of months, from a pair of artists. The wife was charming if not a little quiet, but the husband was pretentious and ever so slightly brusque, uptight – you know the type.
I had just arrived in the city and he was showing me around the apartment; going through his list of things “I needed” to know. It was mainly mundane stuff, stuff like when the cleaning lady and gardener arrived (the loft had a roof garden) and how the dishwasher worked and where the nearest store was. – All of which was cool, the problem was, as well as going through all the regular stuff, he kept banging on about how I mustn’t damage his “rare” books or touch his “expensive” artwork or put a mug down on his “antique” melamine dining room table without a coaster. And I’m standing there thinking: Pablo, if you don’t want your books and shit damaged, why the hell didn’t you put that shit into storage before advertising your gaff to all and sundry on Craigslist!?! Maybe it was seasickness – after all, I had just spent six days travelling on the high seas and New York was hotter than a motherfucker – but his lists were beginning to grate on me. Especially, considering the rent on the loft was in excess of $15,000 a month! – For 15,000 dollars a month I wanna be left-the-fuck-alone to put my mug where the fuck I wanna put my fucking mug, for fuck’s sake.
I had just arrived in the city and he was showing me around the apartment; going through his list of things “I needed” to know. It was mainly mundane stuff, stuff like when the cleaning lady and gardener arrived (the loft had a roof garden) and how the dishwasher worked and where the nearest store was. – All of which was cool, the problem was, as well as going through all the regular stuff, he kept banging on about how I mustn’t damage his “rare” books or touch his “expensive” artwork or put a mug down on his “antique” melamine dining room table without a coaster. And I’m standing there thinking: Pablo, if you don’t want your books and shit damaged, why the hell didn’t you put that shit into storage before advertising your gaff to all and sundry on Craigslist!?! Maybe it was seasickness – after all, I had just spent six days travelling on the high seas and New York was hotter than a motherfucker – but his lists were beginning to grate on me. Especially, considering the rent on the loft was in excess of $15,000 a month! – For 15,000 dollars a month I wanna be left-the-fuck-alone to put my mug where the fuck I wanna put my fucking mug, for fuck’s sake.
So, I was in the bedroom unpacking my clothes and neatly lining up my Louboutins as he was telling me how to work the 50-inch plasma opposite the bed, and more specifically, how to TiVo stuff. He was half way through a spiel about all these “excellent” news programmes and current affairs shows “I needed” to watch – stuff like The Charlie Rose Show and 20/20 when I snapped and said, “Listen, boo-boo, just tell me how to tivo Judy Judy and The Golden Girls…I’m tired.”
Before he and his wife left the apartment, he asked, “So, are you a successful writer then?” I replied, “No, I’m successful person.” To which he said, “Good answer.” At that stage in the conversation I didn’t really give a fuck about how he rated my retort. I just wanted him take his 15,000 dollars and get the hell out of my loft. In fairness, that’s what I love about New Yorkers – yeah, they can dish it out, but they can take it too.
Anyway, I would’ve spent large swathes of my childhood – not to mention the times I’ve lived in the US – 'home alone' if it weren’t for shows like The Golden Girls. After hearing of Rue McClanahan's death via Twitter last week, I wanted to publicly say thank you for the memories…thank you for keeping me company.
I do hope I get to be a 'golden girl' one day…albeit a cranky one.
-Cheyelle
COPYRIGHT ©2010 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: CHEYELLE OMAR
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The Golden Girls! Isn't that the show which Alexei Sayle was supposed to be a regular on, but left after 2 weeks complaining that the old ladies were horrible? The cultural chasm was too great, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteGolden girls was alright, but not something I ever got into. Or really, tv in general--I didn't grow up watching very much because we never had cable; I was an adult the first time I ever had cable. Lame, huh? lol! We did have a tv in my growing up years (most of the time) with only the 3 local channels. My usual escape was into the world of books as the library had many for free--that's how I came to be reading at the college level while I was still in elementary school.
ReplyDeleteI just would love to be able to rent a 15,000 loft someday! :-) Yay!
@gorilla: Is that really true? - Fascinating. Having said that, I remember Alexei Sayle besmirching the reputation of the good people of Liverpool by describing their city as "philistine" – and he’s from Anfield!
ReplyDeleteCultural chasm - "My arse!"
@eccentricity: Those books have served you well. I couldn't read too good when I was little - I didn't find out I was dislexic [sic] till way after I left school :(
Careful what you wish for, my friend. I had the option to rent that loft for an extra month, but I was so uncomfortable there I rented a tiny studio on West 4th Street for a fraction of the price instead. It was so much better than the loft I wasted my money on.
The lady I rented the studio from was one of them denim shorts and flip-flop wearing chilled out Cali types. She gave me the keys to her apartment and left her dirty laundry under the bed! I loved it. A funny thing happened: after settling in, I had a snoop through her photo albums, and woe and behold, if there wasn't pictures of her at a party kissing Angelina Jolie!! In my experience, the most unpretentious and unassuming people in life are often the more interesting - that's why I like you.
The thing with money is, it should buy you privacy. The thing with love is, it should give you happiness. I moved on but you got love. x.
I'd tried to post something when I saw your reply a couple days ago, but blogger has been all error messages lately. Anyway, it's good to see you again! Is Harpo keeping you busy?
ReplyDelete((Hugs))n hearts!
Thanks for stopping by. Soz I've been AWOL. I've been trying to write the conclusion of 'The Portal Diaries'.
ReplyDelete♥ritebakatcha!
Ps. Harpo is pure sweetness!