–Vajesus vs. Vajazzle
So what it was, I was surfing the Net last night and I had a vision. Well, it wasn’t really a vision; it was more of a sign…the word of Jesus…or ‘the word’ from someone who looked remarkably like him (pictured right, wearing a headband).
And what this headband wearing, Jesus lookalikie said to me during his fleeting manifestation on my laptop screen was: “Hey-oooo! I'll make this quick cos I have an aversion to hanging around. Will you gals PLEASE just STOP tinkering with your fecking vaginas?! It took my dad flippin’ ages to design them. And if it wasn’t for his penchant for driving a Volkswagen Beetle (parking in heaven can be a bastard) you prolly woulda ended up with a hollow outie. Which, trust me, would’ve made sex more akin to making a meat & cheese cannelloni as opposed to the recumbent-bumper you currently have at your disposal.” I was just about to reply to the holy image, at which point he said, “Talk to the bloody hand cos the bloody face ain’t listening, girlfriend.” And with that he relinquished his possession of the pixels on my screen and the computer returned to normal.
And what this headband wearing, Jesus lookalikie said to me during his fleeting manifestation on my laptop screen was: “Hey-oooo! I'll make this quick cos I have an aversion to hanging around. Will you gals PLEASE just STOP tinkering with your fecking vaginas?! It took my dad flippin’ ages to design them. And if it wasn’t for his penchant for driving a Volkswagen Beetle (parking in heaven can be a bastard) you prolly woulda ended up with a hollow outie. Which, trust me, would’ve made sex more akin to making a meat & cheese cannelloni as opposed to the recumbent-bumper you currently have at your disposal.” I was just about to reply to the holy image, at which point he said, “Talk to the bloody hand cos the bloody face ain’t listening, girlfriend.” And with that he relinquished his possession of the pixels on my screen and the computer returned to normal.
Having given the subject some thought, I have to say I'm inclined to agree with Jesus (in fact, I think he nailed it). As such, I beseech the women of the world to leave their flanges alone. I’ve got no problem with a little topiary here and there; I personally have a preference for a Mr. T (gotta love the 80's!). But, whether it’s vajazzling as popularised in the UK by the British reality show The Only Way Is Essex featuring Amy Childs (pictured below); tattooing, piercing or braiding – I have it on good authority you should probably just leave well alone.
I kinda wish Jesus had IM’d me with something a little more profound. But on the other hand – given the puerile nature of many of my posts – I suppose it was a divine intervention. Or, to be more accurate: a latter-day burning bush.–Cheyelle
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Ah! The problem with the first picture is that is way too much bush. Gross. Gross to the tattoo because it highlights all that bush. Bush, whether we're talking about pubic hair or ex-presidents I'm not a big fan. lol! With the hair variety, a little is ok. Well-trimmed or naturally short.
ReplyDeleteBesides, who would ever want to go downtown in the first pic with that guy staring at them? Creepy!
Mine is pierced, but no tattoos (and none planned). I think a small tattoo in the general vicinity is sexy.
LOVE this blog! :-)
^^^^
ReplyDeleteMwahahaha. How freakish is that bush!? It's the eyes; they follow you around the room. Ewwwwww!
This blog loves YOU, Eccentricity.
Tonight in your dreams that bush is going to expand until it fills the entire room, which will teach you this important lesson: don't listen to Internet-Jesus. ;-)
ReplyDeleteyour blog'#samazing i would love you to follow me @
ReplyDeletehttp://dottedblazer.blogspot.com/
cha darling ps :
who the hell would want a fadge like that !?!?
hardly sexy is it ugerrrlllayy xx
@eccentricity: Yikes! I'm never gonna listen to the Internet-Vajesus again! The thought of an expanding Vajesus is simply too much to bear - the thought of a bloody one was bad enuf!!! :D
ReplyDelete@millie: Thanks for the kudos, hun. Had a little snoop around your blog earlier, but I'll be back (I promise). x.